Saturday, August 29, 2015

Fwd: Coming this April

 
 
"Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading."
- Robert Ingersoll
 
 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Fwd: important stuff

"If we concentrated on the really important stuff in life there'd be a shortage of fishing poles"



By Junius P. Long

If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally, you live in a country run by idiots.

If you have to get your parents' permission to go on a field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion, you live in a country run by idiots.

If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor or check out a library book, but not to vote on who runs the government, you live in a country run by idiots.

If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy leaders in Egypt, you live in a country run by idiots.

If, in the largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat, you live in a country run by idiots.

If an 80-year-old woman can be strip searched by the TSA but a woman in a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched, you live in a country run by idiots.

If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more, you live in a country run by idiots.

If a seven year old boy can be thrown out of grade school for saying his teacher is "cute," but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable, you live in a country run by idiots.

If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government intrusion, while not working is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing and free cell phones, you live in a country run by idiots.

If the government's plan for getting people back to work is to incentivize NOT working, with 99 weeks of unemployment checks and no requirement to prove they applied but can't find work, you live in a country run by idiots.

If being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you more "safe" according to the government, you live in a country run by idiots.

If you are offended by this article, you probably voted for the idiots who are running our country into the ground, YOU are the problem, not the solution.

Do us all a favor, go fishing.

 

__._,_.___

.


__,_._,___

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Fwd: Nominee: Presidential Joke of the Year

President Obama walked into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he
approached the cashier he said, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please
cash this check for me?"


Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Would you please show me your ID?"


Obama:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was
any need to. I am Barack Obama, the President of the United States of
AMERICA !!!!"


Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and
monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and
requirements of the Dodd /Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on
seeing your ID.


Obama:
"Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you.
Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier:
"I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."


Obama:
"I order you to cash this check!"


Cashier:
"Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day,
Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods
he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank
into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed
his check.



Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his
tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed
in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check.



So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only
you, as the President of the United States?"



Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says,
"Honestly, I can't think of a single thing. I don't have a clue what
to do.


Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?

Friday, November 30, 2012

Fwd: Christmas is Cancelled!

CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED!!

T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS – OLD SANTA WAS PISSED.
HE CUSSED OUT THE ELVES AND THREW DOWN HIS LONG LIST.

MISERABLE LITTLE BRATS, UNGRATEFUL LITTLE JERKS. ...
I HAVE A GOOD MIND TO SCRAP THE WHOLE WORKS. ...

I'VE BUSTED MY ASS FOR DAMN NEAR A YEAR.
INSTEAD OF "THANKS SANTA" – WHAT DO I HEAR?

MRS. SANTA BITCHES CAUSE I WORK LATE AT NIGHT…
THE ELVES WANT MORE MONEY –THE REINDEER ALL FIGHT.

RUDOLPH GOT DRUNK AND CRASHED THE DAMN SLED.
DONNER IS PREGNANT, VIXEN'S JUST OUT OF HIS HEAD.

AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THAT THINGS WOULD GET BETTER,
THOSE BUTT WHOLES FROM THE BYU SENT ME A LETTER.

THEY SAY I OWE TITHING – IF THAT AIN'T SO FUNNY.
WHO IN THE HELL EVER SENT SANTA MONEY?

THE KIDS THESE DAYS – THEIR ALL IN THE PITS.
THEY WANT THE IMPOSSIBLE…THOSE MEAN LITTLE TWITS.

I SPENT A WHOLE YEAR MAKING WAGONS AND SLEDS,
ASSEMBLING DOLLS, WITH THEIR ARMS, LEGS AND HEADS,

I MADE TONS OF YOYO'S –NO REQUEST FOR THEM…
THEY ALL WANT COMPUTERS…I'M NOT FREAKING IBM!

FLYING THROUGH THE AIR…DODGING THE TREES,
SLIDING DOWN CHIMNEYS AND SKINNING MY KNEES.

I'M QUITTING THIS JOB…THERE'S JUST NO ENJOYMENT.
I'LL SIT ON MY BUTT AND DRAW OBAMA UNEMPLOYMENT,

Friday, November 9, 2012

Fwd: Election Evaluations Less than 1 page

From: Dean McClain 
"The danger to America is not Barack Obama but a citizenry capable of entrusting a man like him with the Presidency.   It will be far easier to limit and undo the follies of an Obama presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to a depraved electorate willing to have such a man for their president.  The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Obama, who is a mere symptom of what ails America .  Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince.   The Republic can survive a Barack Obama, who is, after all, merely a fool.    It is less likely to survive a multitude of fools such as those who made him their president."

Source: Czech Republic newspaper,Prager Zeitungon


Brother Dean

Monday, October 29, 2012

Joss Whedon Warns that Mitt Romney Could Spur Zombie Apocalypse

http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2012/10/29/joss-whedon-warns-that-mitt-romney-could-spur-zombie-apocalypse/

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Fwd: Abbott & Costello for today


Begin forwarded message:






 

 




 

For those of you who don't know who Abbott and Costello were, too bad . . . . . But don't worry about it.)?
Abbott and Costello explain the U.S. Accounting System.

?
COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.
?
ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 9%.
?
COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?
?
ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.
?
COSTELLO: You just said 9%.

ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that's 9%...

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?

ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.

COSTELLO: To whom?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment rolls, that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an economist.

COSTELLO: I don't even know what I just said!

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like a politician.